Me, myself, and… them?
And That is Okay
They say, “No man is an island.”
No one can live all by himself.
That we are interconnected in a way.
I guess that is true.
Relationships and interactions with other people
Keep this world alive.
It is a sign that I am alive.
Interacting with other people seems
to be more of a requirement
In order to keep up
With this fast-paced world.
And that is okay.
But…
It does get draining at times.
It makes me question myself,
“Why do I have to?”
Is it bad if I distance myself for a while?
I say no.
Remember what peace there may be in silence.
(From Desiderata by Max Ehrmann)
As much as being alive is good,
Peace is what keeps me sane.
Some people find contentment with loudness
To amplify their intense emotions.
While I find contentment with solitude and serenity.
And that is okay.
While I may drown in my sea of thoughts,
At least I don’t have to endure restlessness
And unsolicited judgments whenever
I’m with other people.
While I must admit that I would still want
To share my stories and affections without the fear of getting judged,
…I have not found the right person for that yet.
They say no man is an island.
But…
Loneliness does not always equate to sadness.
I don’t hate you.
I just enjoy myself as my own companion.
And that is okay.
Kumusta, everyone!
And I’m back with another entry. I just felt like I wanted to share this one with you today even though I wrote it 3 years ago.
3 years ago.
And I am still wishing to find that someone.
And I am wishing for all of you that, as well.
I hope you find someone who will never invalidate your thoughts and feelings, someone you can be vulnerable to, someone who will respect what you feel, someone whom you will not be afraid to show your true self.
We all deserve that, right? Right?
Anyway, as I kept on reading that piece, I remembered this conversation with a friend:
Him: Do you want to come?
Me: No, thanks.
Him: I know.
Honestly, I was a bit surprised with my friend’s response at that time. I know. It’s like he was expecting that answer from me. No. He WAS expecting that answer.
Because that’s all they ever heard from me.
And as I look back, maybe… maybe because I was too afraid to step out of my box, too comfortable with being with myself, too comfortable with the distance I created from other people, too focused with chasing that peace, I forgot how to live, how to feel alive.
I forgot that, yes, while there are people who may judge you, there are also those that are genuine to you, never forget to include you, to make you feel that you are remembered, that you belong. And I am crying right now (yes again, I’m sorry for being this emotional) because my heart is just so full of appreciation for them.
And I feel so ashamed that I am realizing that just now. I realized that I was pushing people away who just wanted to let me know that, “Hey, you are not alone. You have us. You have friends.”
I am still young but I realized that I was missing out a lot in life just because I was too comfortable with myself as my own companion. I thought I am the only one who can give myself peace but the truth is, I also want to live.
Explore this world. With other people.
Because I am not an island.
Hanggang sa muli,
King Guinny
